“Which of my feelings are real? Which of the me's is me? The wild, impulsive, chaotic, energetic, and crazy one? Or the shy, withdrawn, desperate, suicidal, doomed, and tired one? Probably a bit of both, hopefully much that is neither.”
― Kay Redfield Jamison
This quote is from Kay Redfield’s memoir, An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness.
A wonderful friend, who truly knew me, passed it on to me after he read it. He had folded pages with passages he thought I should read. He said “I think you will relate to her words.”
I’ve read that memoir five times.
It was the final push I needed to reach out for professional help.
I was 24. I’d experienced symptoms of Manic Depression, now known as Bipolar disorder for most of my life.
But, I had no idea how to verbalise those feelings because they made no sense to me.
Because I’d never seen or heard of anyone else who experienced them.
After reading that memoir, I wrapped myself up in the comfort in the words of Kay Redfield Jamison and Stephen Fry.
It was then, I realised how much representation truly matters.
I decided I would, one day, when I was ready, also contribute to representing the reality of living with mental illness.
I would return the favours Stephen Fry and Kay Redfield Jamison extended to me.
I’m ready and writing brings meaning and purpose, I so deeply crave, into my now, very quiet life.
As always, take care.